REVIEW: 'The Ship'

I love being a PC gamer. I have a machine that’s able to play games from both the past and present – unlike consoles which systematically try to erase its history so they can poorly recycle ideas from ten years go. For example: the Assassin’s Creed Multiplayer, whilst solid, is basically The Ship but without the cartoonish charm. 

Released in 2006, originally as a Half Life 2 mod, The Ship is a multiplayer game where you are stuck on a 1940’s-style cruise-ship and are given a target who you must murder creatively. You must not be seen by guards, security cameras, or other passengers whilst you do this. To complicate matters even more, there is another passenger on the ship attempting to kill you, and the person you’re attempting to kill is trying to kill someone else – so if you act too suspicious your target can fight back, but you can also defend yourself from anyone attempting to kill you. 

"Care for a side-order of DEATH?"

Sounds simple enough? Well, you also have to manage The Sims-style ‘needs.’ If you go too long without eating, your hunger meter will fill up, and if you let it get full then you’ll die of starvation. There are also meters for conversation, entertainment, sleep, hygiene, and even urinating. This means that in-between murders you’ll need to use the ship’s facilities – all whilst looking over your shoulder for someone waiting to impale you on an umbrella. It also means that you can kill people whilst their going to the toilet. (Anyone who has played a Hitman game knows that the toilet is by far the best place to get a murder done.)

If you successfully kill your target, you’re given a cash-reward that varies on the weapon you used to murder him/her. The weapon that has been used the least by anyone on the ship is the most valuable, whilst a weapon just used becomes almost worthless – so you can’t just pick up a tommy gun and go crazy.

The game varies slightly depending on which mode you’re playing. The standard ‘hunt’ mode is done in rounds, meaning you are given a time-limit to kill your quarry and if your successful then there is still time remaining for your hunter to find you. ‘Elimination’ has no time-limit, and ends once everyone else is dead. ‘Deathmatch’ is where you have no assigned quarry and thus must just kill everyone you meet within the time-limit – all whilst still avoiding security and maintaining your ‘needs.’ 

YES! I beat a whole server....of robots!

The winner of all these modes is the person who’s earned the most money. You lose money when you die, when you get caught, and if you kill someone who’s not your quarry - so you can't just murder eveyone you meet (unless it's deathmatch, then it's on). You also need money to buy meals and pay for your medical-care if you’re injured. 

I mention all this to demonstrate just how well-balanced, challenging, and fun the game is. Single-player games are all about an escalating difficulty-curve in combination with the gaining of skills. Multiplayer games are about keeping the balance. An online game will be reliably terrible if it’s possible to master the game and slaughter everyone on the server.

When you purchase the game, you actually get three games. You get a single player game, a multiplayer game, and a tutorial. Why these can’t just be lumped into one game is mystifying, but The Ship is sadly diminished somewhat by the fact that the rights to this game are split between two companies, meaning the people maintaining this game are limited by what they can do. For example, there is a glitch that makes it so you can’t actually play The Ship online unless you go on Steam and go to “View > Servers > The Ship.” Bought the retail copy of the game? Then ha ha ha! 

Lesson Learnt: Guns make people make-out with doorframes....and die. 

The single player is surprisingly well voice acted (the few characters you meet really come alive) but unspectacular. It’s really just an extended tutorial, but if that’s it’s intent then well done. It teaches you how to stalk and kill someone, how to pace the rate of killings so there’s still time to grab something to eat whilst murdering people, how disguises work, and how to use guns effectively.

The multiplayer is where it’s at. Anyone who’s ever been on a cruise knows it’s the most boring place on earth, destined to drive you made as your stuck on a floating bit of metal with a bunch of people you absolutely despise – to the point your happy to shut yourself in your tiny cabin with no food just so you never have to look upon another human again. So being able to kill them is hugely appreciated. And it’s incredibly civilised murder: you can be sipping coffee at the bar with classical music blaring from the radio, and in the background you can hear the distant sound of gunfire. The Deathmatch mode is possibly the most civilised yet manic Deathmatch in gaming history, as large groups of people hack each-other to death with croquet mallets before all hiding their weapons and whistling loudly when they reach a security camera. 

What's more addictive? Murder or Coffee?

The bizarre mix of modern day aesthetic and Agathe Christie murder mystery has a charm to it, and the cartoon-style graphics have aged fairly well. Not to mention that because this game runs on the Source engine, it’s still perfectly stable. Detonating a wallet-bomb and watching ragdolls fly about the room carries the same visceral joy that using the crossbow in Half Life 2 did. Whilst there aren’t that many multiplayer maps, the maps are exceptionally detailed and filled with nooks and crannies and secret hideouts and ways to ‘accidentally’ kill people like shutting them in a freezer or dropping a lifeboat on them. 

Also, maybe it's because I'm in the middle of work and summer refuses to hurry up and arrive already - but there's something strangely leisurely about strolling around a cruise-ship armed with deadly weapons. The soothing sound of the sea and the pleasant squark of seagulls is a relaxing ambience to murder most foul. 

Of course, since this is a Source-game, it’s time for our favourite emergent-gaming pastime: Trying to navigate your way through narrow corridors filled with solid humans who won’t get out of the way. There is a ‘push’ option, where you can push people out of your way, but it only works when it feels like it. 

MOVE OUT OF THE SODDING WAY!!

Also, whilst the A.I is so good you can play both online and offline and not notice the different between bots and humans – there are some strange exploits. For example: security cameras, guards, and other passengers only arrest you when you produce a weapon. They don’t arrest you for shooting someone just out of sight, or when someone else shoots you from just across the room. But, the game is so balanced that if you grab a Winchester rifle and use the exploit, you won’t end up earning much money.

I’m prepared to say that along with Team Fortress 2, this is the most well-balanced and fun multiplayer game ever devised. You won’t get shot by 13-year olds who got this game and only this game for Christmas. The gameplay is varied and rewarding – and you don’t even need to play it with real people since the bots work fine.

Oh, and did I mention that the game frequently goes for £0.70 on Bundlestars.com? BUY IT….then play it, obviously.