Unturned
is an early-access survival zombie game.
Need
I go on? The phrase ‘early access survival zombie game’ is enough to make any
lover of variety and innovation vomit pixel-art. Even trimmed to ‘survival
zombie game,’ people are going to flip tables.
There
are millions of these games out there – games that are trying to cash-in on the
success of both Minecraft and Day Z instead of actually trying something
new. Both of these games were created by small-time developers attempting to
create something original, and are now hugely successful because they’re original. So shamelessly ripping them off will
inevitably lead to the opposite of success. About 90% of the games on early access
are absolute messes that’ll most likely never see a full release (eg. Rust) and the ones that do get released are done so after the
developers just give up and release the game with half the stuff missing (eg. Sir, You Are Being Hunted.)
But
I thought the best thing to do would be to pick up the absolute worst. And Unturned represents the worst of
early-access, the worst of survival zombie games, and the worst of independent
games.
The
first thing you will notice from my screenshots is that the graphics are appalling.
This is fair enough for an indie game, but the game is intentionally attempting
to combine Minecraft and Day Z. So it’s not even trying to do
something new.
Minecraft
used a blocky style because the world was made out of blocks. Unturned uses this blocky style because
3D Modelling is hard. It’s not intentionally evoking witty charm with a design
that calls back to quirky 8-Bit games, it’s being lazy.
 |
| Welp, this game does one original thing: it doesn't even try to make your character look human. |
You
might think that Minecraft with
zombies would be fun….except Minecraft
already has zombies. And in Minecraft they were terrifying because
during the daytime you would be building your dainty countryside cottage, then
it gets dark and horrors from the stygian pits come to undo everything you’ve
been working for all day. The zombies in Unturned
are slow, broken, and dull. Being chased by one is merely an annoyance.
To
get rid of the zombies, you either need a katana – or water. (Zombies can’t
swim, but hilariously they will gather in a clump and still try to chase you.) Once
I found a katana, the game is over. Because a katana has a high-reach and kills
people almost instantly. After that, all my troubles were gone and a zombie
apocalypse became the dullest gaming experience I’ve willingly subjected myself
to.
 |
| Water. The zombies one weakness. Good thing there's plenty of the stuff... |
Unturned
has pretentions of stealth. It’s almost cute. Zombies respond to noise, have
limited vision, and you can crawl slowly along the ground. The ‘Q’ and ‘E’
buttons allow you to lean, but the lean is flat-out broken and pointless
because you don’t actually lean around corners, you just keel over sideways.
Another broken feature is that the zombies keep following you around until the
end of the universe, whilst in every stealth game ever made enemies eventually
give up and return to their original positions after a while.
There
is also a crafting system. I never managed to gather enough resources to craft
anything…and I never needed anything because I just looted. Perhaps if the game
allowed you to craft weapons from the trees so the first ten minutes of the
game aren’t spent crawling around searching for a melee-weapon. But we couldn’t
actually evoke Minecraft in a game
which sells itself on being inspired by Minecraft.
We’ll just make everything look like crap and justify it as a Minecraft spin-off.
This
all being typed with such ferocity that my desk might collapse under my
keyboard – Unturned is a free game
being created by a sixteen-year-old. It shows,
obviously, but mentioning these two little facts turns me from a critic to a
bully.
 |
| THE AMAZING FLYING COMPUTER. |
OK:
as a jumping-off point, this game could lead the developer to greater things.
What we are seeing is a learning-curve. Perhaps one day the developer could use
the skills learnt from Unturned to create
something with originality, charm, and innovation.
…but
why is that not happening already? The guys who made Hotline Miami began with games where you spit on children. You don’t
have to begin as an uncreative hack then
ascend to new heights. I know everyone has to start from the bottom, but you
could foster ambitions to rise from the bottom. Not perpetually wallow there.
Avoid
this at all costs. I don’t care that it’s free – even your time isn’t worth
this.
Screenshots by me.
Header can be found here.
